When 'This is not who we are' is a disingenuous cheer

After a three-month investigation into allegations about hazing, Jon Hale reported in the Louisville Courier-Journal that the University of Kentucky had fired the coaching staff of its cheerleading team. The team had won 24 national championships from the Universal Cheerleaders Association.

The investigation focused on a team retreat where alumni allegedly supplied alcohol to the student cheerleaders and nudity was coaxed as part of regular hazing rituals.

"The investigation found no evidence of sexual assault or sexual misconduct during these trips," according to a release written by Jay Blanton, a University of Kentucky spokesperson. Blanton's release also mentioned that two of the fired coaches had potential conflicts of interest because they employed cheerleaders to work at their gymnastics business and an adviser "hired students and coaches to work at his home."

Eli Capilouto, the president of University of Kentucky, seems to have taken decisive action in firing the coaches and issuing a statement condemning the fact that such behavior was condoned and that they did not act to protect the best interests of the cheerleaders.

Capilouto's relatively swift move to address the actions revealed by the three-month investigation, to acknowledge wrongdoing, and to commit to an effort to prevent such actions from being taken again seems the right thing to do. But his words at a news conference sound a bit disingenuous: "This is not who we are at the University of Kentucky. This is not what we do."

"This is not who we are" is a phrase commonly used these days when reflecting on how the behavior of a group with which one is aligned went astray. It's become de rigueur for politicians on both sides of the aisle to invoke it as a means of simultaneously encouraging a group to be better and to distance themselves from the bad behavior.

But the words in many cases - and certainly in the case of this University of Kentucky incident - don't ring true. In the report, some acknowledged not reporting inappropriate behavior that happened years before because they wanted "to believe it did not happen." One of the "sexually explicit" incidents in the report allegedly dated back to the late 1970s.

In other words, these ongoing incidents represented exactly who they were. They might not reflect who they want to be, but the allegations in the report suggest that this is who they are.

Those words - "this is not who we are" - too often and too easily draw a response of: "Clearly, it is who you are."

The honest response when faced with such egregious behavior among your group would be to say: "This is not who we want to be." And the right thing would be to follow that up with: "So this is what we are going to do to ensure that such behavior is never condoned among us again."

After such behavior is acknowledged and addressed, it will take some time to determine who the people within the organization truly are. If all goes well, that's when "this is not who we are" can honestly be cheered proudly. 

Jeffrey L. Seglin, author of The Simple Art of Business Etiquette: How to Rise to the Top by Playing Nice," is a senior lecturer in public policy and director of the communications program at Harvard's Kennedy School. 

Follow him on Twitter: @jseglin 

Do you have ethical questions that you need answered? Send them to rightthing@comcast.net. 

(c) 2020 JEFFREY L. SEGLIN. Distributed by TRIBUNE CONTENT AGENCY, LLC.

House rules still apply to college students housebound because of coronavirus

It happened a bit earlier this year than planned. Typically, after the spring semester of college ends, thousands of students return home to spend the summer living in their parents' homes. For many, it's the home they grew up in. Often when they walk through their bedroom doors, while the space may have been converted for slightly different uses in their absence,  it's as if time stood still.

This year, however, the mass migration home took an unexpected turn. Rather than the end of May, carloads of college students and their belongings headed home in mid-March. Concerned over the spread of coronavirus, college campuses shuttered and a majority of students were sent home to complete their courses online.

When there's a re-entry into a parents' home after a college student has been away, there's often a clash between how the student was able to behave on campus and the house rules still in place. A child may have gained some independence while off at school, but the phrase, "our house, our rules" seems on constant rotation.

Typically, re-acclimating involves such banal tasks as picking up dirty clothes, not staying out past a particular hour, or not leaving dirty dishes or half-eaten sandwiches around the house. It can take a few days to sort things out and reach a clear understanding. A parent needs to assert that while they appreciate their child's independence and that their child is an adult, they still expect them to respect the house rules.

But this year adds a twist. Many communities have instituted advisories or directives about wearing face masks in public or while shopping as well as making sure to be at least six feet away from other individuals.

In the communities where the advisories are not binding and it's left up to the individual to comply, there can be a rift between people choosing not to wear face masks when running on a somewhat crowded path and those strictly adhering to the advisory. When such a difference of opinion occurs between a parent and a college student home while school is shut down, the student might remind the parent that he still follows the rules at home even if he chooses not to wear a mask in public.

"I'm not in the house when I do this," the student might say.

It's fair for the college student to choose how to behave in public as long as he is not breaking the law or putting someone else's life in danger. (The latter of these seems to depend on how close he gets to others if not wearing a mask.) But if the student risks exposing himself to the virus because of his behavior outside of the house, then he risks exposing his parents and other family members as well. If his parents are uncomfortable with this, their rules apply and the right thing is for their college student to comply with house rules and wear a mask in public even though technically he isn't inside their house when following the rule.

Life is short. There are plenty of things to argue over with parents. If this one is important to them, let it go. 

Jeffrey L. Seglin, author of The Simple Art of Business Etiquette: How to Rise to the Top by Playing Nice," is a senior lecturer in public policy and director of the communications program at Harvard's Kennedy School.  

Follow him on Twitter: @jseglin 

Do you have ethical questions that you need answered? Send them to rightthing@comcast.net. 

(c) 2020 JEFFREY L. SEGLIN. Distributed by TRIBUNE CONTENT AGENCY, LLC.