"I can't talk to my neighbor," says
"Bart," a reader.
At first, Bart and his neighbor, "Mel," were
friendly. They talked sports. They shared opinions about new construction going
on in their small town. Occasionally, they even borrowed tools from one
another, each of them dutifully returning them in pristine condition.
But over the decade or so they've known each other, it
became clear that Bart and Mel didn't have much common ground when it came to
politics or how they chose to express their opinions on politics. Bart rarely
broadcast his political opinions to anyone. But Mel regularly staked campaign
signs on his front lawn and bumper sticks on his car's bumper.
The signs and bumper stickers didn't bother Bart (too
much) and, early on, he and Mel never discussed them, the candidates they
represented, or the views the candidates held. But things shifted a couple of
years ago, Bart writes.
"He wouldn't stop talking about politics," Bart
says. "And he'd get worked up and angry and was always talking about
political stuff."
Bart now believes he can't be around Mel because he finds
it too aggravating. "Some of the stuff he believes I think is just
stupid," says Bart. "I don't think he has any idea that I don't agree
with him on any of his politics."
Nevertheless, Bart still likes Mel and remembers how much
he enjoyed having a neighbor with whom he could just shoot the breeze or borrow
an occasional tool.
Bart wants to know if he is wrong to avoid Mel because he
doesn't want to listen to him talk about politics any more.
Bart, and any of us, are free to choose to avoid anyone
we want to avoid for any reason, as long as we don't cause harm to them in the
process.
But from Bart's revelation that Mel has no idea what his
political views are, it seems like Bart might not be giving Mel the opportunity
to be a bit more sensitive with his vocal outpourings. If Mel doesn't know that
his commentary causes Bart discomfort, then Bart has no idea if their
friendship can return to focus on the stuff they each enjoy discussing.
Bart doesn't need to get into an argument with Mel. Nor
does he need to reveal his own political leanings if he doesn't want to. But a
first move before avoiding Mel altogether might be for Bart to simply tell him
that talking about politics makes him uncomfortable and he'd rather not.
If nevertheless Mel persists, then Bart's decision to
avoid Mel or limit the time around him seems a more reasonable decision. Bart
may ultimately decide that he finds Mel's political views so offensive that he
chooses not to associate with him at all. But right now, he simply doesn't want
to have his neighbor talk politics with him. Sports, town activities, the
proper way to winterize a lawn mower, yes. Politics, no.
If he'd like to maintain the friendship, the first thing
Bart might do is to give Mel the benefit of the doubt that he will listen to
Bart and honor his request. That's what friends do.
Jeffrey L. Seglin, author of The Simple Art of Business Etiquette: How to Rise to the Top by Playing Nice, is a senior lecturer in public policy and director of the communications program at Harvard's Kennedy School. He is also the administrator of www.jeffreyseglin.com, a blog focused on ethical issues.
Do you have ethical questions that you need answered? Send them to rightthing@comcast.net.
Follow him on Twitter: @jseglin
(c) 2018 JEFFREY L. SEGLIN. DISTRIBUTED BY TRIBUNE CONTENT AGENCY, LLC.
