What running a light decades ago taught me

Is it OK to take glee in wanting someone who made the same mistake as you did to get caught?

Several decades ago when my parents were still alive and living in Williamsburg, Virginia, the woman I’d eat bees for and I decided to make the drive from Boston to Williamsburg to pay a visit. We decided to break up the trip by stopping overnight in Washington, D.C., to visit some friends and to explore some of the many museums there.

One evening we were driving through Georgetown to meet our friends. I was driving. I approached a stoplight that was turning yellow and soon to turn red. Instead of slowing down and stopping, I proceeded through the yellow light and took a right turn onto a side street. I was greeted by a police offer waving me to pull over next to another car that had apparently already been pulled over for running the light.

As the officer approached my window, I rolled it down, and she began by asking if I knew I had run a red light. Before I could even consider deciding whether to acknowledge the truth or come up with some lame excuse, the driver in a car that had already been pulled over shouted over to her: “Give him a ticket too.”

The officer broke off her conversation with me, looked over the top of my car at the gentleman in the other car, and then waved me on with what I recall was an exaggerated wave of her hand and simply told me: “You can go on.”

My assumption has always been that had the other guy not shouted out at her, I too would have received a citation for running the light. Was she right to give me a pass on my infraction? Probably not. I was wrong and deserved a ticket. Did I argue with her? No.

Certainly, the other driver was upset that he had been pulled over and ticketed. I would have been too. But that he felt the need to vocally make sure that others were punished simply because he had been wouldn’t have made his ticket any less expensive. Sure, the fair thing would have been for me to be treated as he had been and I likely would have been had he let the officer do her job.

That incident from back in the mid-1980s has stuck with me all these years. It reinforced a sense that each of us should try to take responsibility for our own actions rather than make sure everyone goes down with us. Did I know whether his infraction was greater than mine? No. Could the officer simply have decided that a warning for me running the yellow light was enough? Sure. Perhaps she was simply showing me kindness rather than reacting to the berating she received from the other driver.

That incident also made me more careful at stop lights while driving, not just in Georgetown, but anywhere. I’ve not been stopped for running a light since. But if I am, the right thing would be to acknowledge my error, pay my fine and move on.

Jeffrey L. Seglin, author of The Simple Art of Business Etiquette: How to Rise to the Top by Playing Nice, is a senior lecturer in public policy and director of the communications program at Harvard's Kennedy School. He is also the administrator of www.jeffreyseglin.com, a blog focused on ethical issues.

Do you have ethical questions that you need to have answered? Send them to jeffreyseglin@gmail.com.

Follow him on Twitter @jseglin. 

(c) 2021 JEFFREY L. SEGLIN. Distributed by TRIBUNE CONTENT AGENCY, LLC.

Don’t get angry. Get to work

What is the right way to act when something doesn’t turn out as you would have liked it to?

Most of us have found ourselves in a situation where we would have preferred a different outcome. Often such events don’t rise to the level of calamity, but instead result in a disappointment.

It rains on our walk to work. A favorite sports team loses a close game. We drop a pen between the front cushion of our car and the middle console and can’t fish it out. These and other such incidents rarely result in apoplectic rage.

But there are occasionally events that do seem to fill us with a palpable sense of rage. A tyrannical manager wreaks havoc on our workplace without being called out for his or her behavior. A teacher seems impatient with our inability to grasp a complex topic in the classroom. A politician we claim to loathe wins an election against our favored candidate.

One response to these more severe incidents is to embrace an anger that we carry with us as it festers. Rarely does this anger result in a positive outcome. More often the anger causes us more harm than it does the person to whom it is directed.

A quotation attributed to Epictetus, the Stoic philosopher of the first and early second century, captured how anger may not be the most constructive of emotions: “Any person capable of angering you becomes your master; he can anger you only when you permit yourself to be disturbed by him.”

So what then is the right thing to do when things don’t go your way, when you find yourself waking up to a situation that at least for the moment seems untenable?

Rather than allow anger to consume us over an outcome we didn’t like, a different tack might be to double down on whatever efforts we have done to accomplish a task or to fight for a cause and channel any energy born of disappointment into finding new ways to reach those goals.

At the 1980 Democratic National Convention, Sen. Ted Kennedy rose to address the crowd after his rather disappointing run for the presidential nomination against sitting President Jimmy Carter. With the writing help of political operative Bob Shrum and others, Kennedy delivered what turned out to be one if not the most memorable speeches of his career. He ended with these words:

“For me, a few hours ago, this campaign came to an end. For all those whose cares have been our concern, the work goes on, the cause endures, the hope still lives, and the dream shall never die.”

Those words seem useful to heed when things don’t go as we had hoped. If we were truly concerned about a cause, that cause doesn’t disappear because we didn’t get our way. Rather than stew in anger or regret, the right thing seems to be to double down on any efforts to engage in whatever work is needed to set things straight.

Jeffrey L. Seglin, author of The Simple Art of Business Etiquette: How to Rise to the Top by Playing Nice, is a senior lecturer in public policy and director of the communications program at Harvard's Kennedy School. He is also the administrator of www.jeffreyseglin.com, a blog focused on ethical issues.

Do you have ethical questions that you need to have answered? Send them to jeffreyseglin@gmail.com.

Follow him on Twitter @jseglin. 

(c) 2021 JEFFREY L. SEGLIN. Distributed by TRIBUNE CONTENT AGENCY, LLC.

Become informed and vote

Should an uninformed voter be allowed to vote?

Back in March, I responded to a reader who asked what a conscientious person should do when he or she or they couldn’t invest a lot of time researching candidates. The reader was concerned that many media sources weren’t neutral and he had no desire to rely on an “equally uninformed friend.”

Then in July, I wrote about an old friend who regularly chides me for encouraging all eligible people to vote. My friend claimed not to have voted since the 2012 election cycle. He was insistent that his one vote didn’t matter and was likely not to make a difference in any election, be it for candidates running for national or local election.

There is no litmus test for how informed eligible voters must be before they vote. But, I urged back in March, if someone wants to be a conscientious voter, there are plenty of resources available to find out where local and national candidates stand on the issues. While talking heads on cable news programs may claim that this candidate or that hasn’t taken a stance on an issue, voters would be wise not to take that claim at face value and instead take the time to look at the many resources that collect information on which candidates stand where and on what.

There are many nonpartisan websites that are available to provide prospective voters with a guide on where candidates stand on what issues. When it comes to presidential candidates, some of these websites provide a simple “pro” or “con” on where a particular candidate stands on an issue. On one of these sites, ProCon.Org, which is owned by Encyclopedia Britannica, a user can view the pro-con page and then click on any issue to get more details on what a particular candidate has said about that issue.

Another useful site on which any voter can parse the issues is VoteSmart, whose founding board several decades ago included Republican and Democratic leaders including former presidents Jimmy Carter and Gerald Ford as well as former presidential candidates Barry Goldwater and George McGovern, among others. What’s particularly useful about the VoteSmart site is that you can click on a candidate and an issue and see what they said about it as well as where and when they said it.

While the deadline to register to vote in many states has already passed, some might still be open. To see what your state’s voter registration deadline is, you can consult a site like Ballotpedia. If you are unsure whether you are registered to vote, there’s a website where you can check that too. The National Associations of Secretaries of State website lets you choose your state and then provide your name to see if you’re registered. My state even lets me call up the November ballot that contains not only the people running for local, state and national positions, but also any referendum questions that happen to be on the November ballot as well.

My old friend who maintains his vote doesn’t matter might talk to Chris Poulos, a member of the Connecticut House of Representatives. In 2022, he defeated his opponent by 1 vote.

If you want to be an engaged citizen, the right thing is to register to vote, determine which candidates and issues mirror your own stances, and then vote.

Jeffrey L. Seglin, author of "The Simple Art of Business Etiquette: How to Rise to the Top by Playing Nice," is a senior lecturer in public policy, emeritus, at Harvard's Kennedy School. He is also the administrator of www.jeffreyseglin.com, a blog focused on ethical issues. 

Do you have ethical questions that you need to have answered? Send them to jeffreyseglin@gmail.com. Follow him on Twitter @jseglin

(c) 2024 JEFFREY L. SEGLIN. Distributed by TRIBUNE CONTENT AGENCY, LLC.

Are rules meaningless if not enforced?

If rules are not enforced, is it wrong to ignore them?

Two different readers shared two different but similar stories recently.

One of the readers recounted how a neighborhood baseball field had signs on its fence indicating dogs were not allowed on the field. Another reader wondered about passengers who pulled over to the side of the road to dump plastic garbage bags into public waste cans that had signs on them indicating no household trash was allowed. In each case, the reader mentioned that these weren’t one-time observations of rules violations.

The baseball park was regularly full of dogs and owners unless a baseball game was in progress. The reader noticing the household trash in the public bin regularly saw different people depositing a bag of trash from their car.

Neither of the readers ever witnessed any official policing the area. Officials did, however, regularly ticket illegally parked cars in the lot next to the baseball field.

Since the number of dogs being let onto the field seemed to be growing, that reader asked if it was implied that it was really OK for dogs to be allowed to roam since the regulation was not enforced.

The reader's question reminded me of a public presentation I once participated in in Madison, Wisconsin.

The presentation was about ethics in business and a local interviewer was asking me questions on stage. When the time came for audience questions, a gentleman stood up and pointed out that a sign on the door of what seemed to be a newly renovated auditorium indicated that no food or drinks were allowed in the auditorium. He questioned whether the two bottles of water next to the interviewer and me sent a message that the rules didn’t apply to us. He was trying to make a point about the inconsistency of the rule application even if most might find it acceptable for a speaker to need a gulp of water during a presentation. Nevertheless, he was right to raise the question.

If rules or regulations are set, then presumably they are set for a reason. In the case of the dogs, it could be a public health issue if the walkers are not rigorous about picking up after their pets. By forbidding the dumping of private trash in a public bin, it might be an effort to make sure that the bins aren’t overflowing or that people aren’t taxing the public services offered in a town in which they might not live.

But just because the rules are not being enforced does not mean it’s OK to not follow the rules. “But that guy did it,” is not justification for others to do something wrong as well. The right thing for individuals is to follow the rules. And the right thing for whoever has jurisdiction over the baseball field or trash can is to enforce the rules as much as they would enforce parking regulations.

And while it might seem understood, it wouldn’t hurt for that sign on the auditorium door to add the phrase, “unless you’re presenting on stage.”

Jeffrey L. Seglin, author of "The Simple Art of Business Etiquette: How to Rise to the Top by Playing Nice," is a senior lecturer in public policy, emeritus, at Harvard's Kennedy School. He is also the administrator of www.jeffreyseglin.com, a blog focused on ethical issues. 

Do you have ethical questions that you need to have answered? Send them to jeffreyseglin@gmail.com. Follow him on Twitter @jseglin

(c) 2024 JEFFREY L. SEGLIN. Distributed by TRIBUNE CONTENT AGENCY, LLC.

Fly me to the moon

Should companies honor reservations for a spaceflight made before civilian spaceflights existed?

Polaris Dawn, a spaceflight operated by Elon Musk’s SpaceX, traveled into space on Sept. 10 and successfully returned to earth on Sept. 15. Four private citizens operated the spacecraft. The operation was funded by Jared Isaacman, a billionaire, who reportedly paid about $200 million for the flight.

Isaacman’s flight on Musk’s spacecraft reminded me that at some point in my childhood, I’m pretty sure I signed up to reserve a flight to the moon.

I vaguely recall that when I was between 8 and 11 years old, I signed something to make a reservation to take a flight to the moon when they became available. A little bit of research suggests that my fuzzy recollection wasn’t simply imagined, but rather might have been part of a marketing campaign done by Pan American Airways called “‘First Moons Flight’ Club.” Between 1968 and 1971, Pan Am issued more than 90,000 cards to people who made reservations for a flight to the moon, although apparently informal reservations with Pan Am began as early as 1964.

While I have a memory of signing up, I have no memory of ever receiving a card. But somewhere, someone may still have a registry of everyone who signed up, including me.

Had Pan Am not gone out of business in 1991, presumably it would still be sitting on that list. Sure, it may have been nothing more than a marketing gimmick to engage customers who were caught up in space adventures around the time of the first moon landing on July 20, 1969. But if Pan Am were still around would it have an obligation to honor those reservations more than 50 years after they were made?

My guess is that legally Pan Am likely would have had no such obligation, as long as no money changed hands. My research suggests no money was requested. I am confident back then I had no money to send in to secure my place in line.

But should flights into space have become available and Pan Am were around as one of the purveyors of such flights, I believe the right thing would be to try to contact those on the list to gauge their interest. Granted, since the list was compiled well before the days of email or cell phone numbers that follow you around, many of the people would be challenging to track down. Nevertheless, the company could make a good faith effort to make good on the promise of space travel dangled decades earlier.

Since Pan Am is no longer with us, it seems a prime opportunity for Elon Musk’s SpaceX or Jeff Bezos’ Blue Origin or Richard Branson’s Virgin Galactic to do what they can to get hold of that reservations list. Wouldn’t it be grand for us to be given first dibs on hopping on board?

Of course, Pan Am never told us when the flights would become available. Nor did it name a price for each seat. I suspect most of us would have to take a pass at plunking down more than several hundred thousand dollars for a seat on Virgin Atlantic to several hundred million to book the whole craft on SpaceX. Still, when a company lures us in by promising the moon, the right thing would be to ask before assuming we can’t afford the adventure.

Jeffrey L. Seglin, author of "The Simple Art of Business Etiquette: How to Rise to the Top by Playing Nice," is a senior lecturer in public policy, emeritus, at Harvard's Kennedy School. He is also the administrator of www.jeffreyseglin.com, a blog focused on ethical issues. 

Do you have ethical questions that you need to have answered? Send them to jeffreyseglin@gmail.com. Follow him on Twitter @jseglin

(c) 2024 JEFFREY L. SEGLIN. Distributed by TRIBUNE CONTENT AGENCY, LLC.

Should restaurants promise more than they plan to deliver?

Should businesses be careful in what they promise in their marketing materials?

Back in February, my son-in-law and I drove a truck and trailer cross country to deliver his son’s (my grandson’s) belongings to him. We figured the trip would be about a 30-hour drive from the Boston area to Colorado Springs, Colorado. We planned to share the driving and figured we could make it there in a couple of days if we left early in the morning each day and drove into the evening.

A bit of weather slowed us down, but we still found ourselves making good time. At the end of the second evening of driving, we stopped late for dinner at a chain restaurant that served breakfast all day and featured a country store selling nostalgic snacks and items; guests entered and left the dining area through the store.

The service was not particularly swift. After we had been seated for quite a while, we overheard a manager apologizing to a large party for how long their food had taken and how when food finally did arrive, it had not been what they’d ordered. The manager apologized and offered them free dessert.

We spent our time studying the sizable breakfast menu. I was particularly pleased that the menu indicated that any eggs would be “cooked to order.” When the waiter arrived I confirmed that “cooked to order” meant any style and they assured me that was the case. I placed my order for two poached eggs on toast and my son-in-law placed his order as well. Several minutes later our waiter returned to tell me that they don’t do poached eggs.

Now, in the scheme of things, telling customers you serve eggs any style or “cooked to order” when you know there are some styles you simply won’t do or orders you won’t take is not the end of the world. Should I have made a fuss? Maybe. But to what end? It was not likely that I was going to force the chef to poach an egg he didn’t want to poach. At the time of night we were eating after a long day of driving, if I chose to leave in a huff, I would go to bed hungry.

I responded to our waiter that it kind of means they don’t honor what’s on the menu. I ordered eggs over easy instead, and they nodded and took the order.

Businesses should make sure that they deliver on what they advertise. If they have no intention of doing so, then the right thing is for them not to promise otherwise and hope no one calls them on it. The restaurant had an extensive menu with many options and it served breakfast all day. Certainly that was enough without making false promises.

It took a while, but our meals finally arrived. My son-in-law’s meal was not what he had ordered. He told our waiter that they had delivered several side dishes, all of which were the same and none of which was what he had ordered. The waiter took his plate back to the kitchen for corrective action. No one offered us a free dessert.

Jeffrey L. Seglin, author of "The Simple Art of Business Etiquette: How to Rise to the Top by Playing Nice," is a senior lecturer in public policy, emeritus, at Harvard's Kennedy School. He is also the administrator of www.jeffreyseglin.com, a blog focused on ethical issues. 

Do you have ethical questions that you need to have answered? Send them to jeffreyseglin@gmail.com. Follow him on Twitter @jseglin

(c) 2024 JEFFREY L. SEGLIN. Distributed by TRIBUNE CONTENT AGENCY, LLC.