Is it OK to lie if it would help you get what you want?

 If you can't get what you want, is it OK to lie to get what you need? 

A reader we're calling River cares deeply about her grandson who left public high school during his junior year. He then attended a special public school to work on getting his GED (general educational development) certificate that provides individuals with the equivalent of a high school diploma. While her grandson passed the language arts portion of the examination, he did not pass the math-science portion so he did not earn his GED.

River's grandson, who is now 21, has had trouble finding a job without a high school diploma. "He has only had one job that lasted a month," wrote River. 

A friend of River's who is 50 years old told her that he also had dropped out of high school and did not earn his GED. For years, he told River, he applied for jobs and didn't get them because he indicated on job applications that he had neither a high school diploma or a GED. "Ten years of experience didn't seem to matter to employers," wrote River. But her friend told her that he decided to start answering that he did have a GED on job applications and he was never questioned about it. "It helped him get employment," wrote River. 

"Here's my question," River wrote me. "Is it ethical to encourage my grandson to lie about having a GED?" 

While it might help River's grandson be considered for more jobs, she should not encourage him to lie about his credentials. That her friend never got caught lying doesn't justify having her grandson misrepresent himself. It also sets a bad example for River to suggest to her grandson that lying is an acceptable way to get what you want. Too often, it's not the first lie you tell that gets you into trouble, but the subsequent lies you tell to cover up that first lie.

It would be a better option for River to encourage her grandson to keep trying to get the GED if he believes he truly needs it to get a job. There are any number of free online GED counseling services. 

There's no guarantee that River's grandson will pass the math portion of the GED even if he completes the GED Classroom course. But most states will let you retake the GED exam even after failing it, although some require a waiting period if you fail it three times. 

Perhaps the best thing for River to do is to encourage her grandson to keep trying and to not let failure on a portion of the test keep him from trying again. Providing encouragement and support is the right thing to do. Lying is not.

Jeffrey L. Seglin, author of The Simple Art of Business Etiquette: How to Rise to the Top by Playing Nice, is a senior lecturer in public policy and director of the communications program at Harvard's Kennedy School. He is also the administrator of www.jeffreyseglin.com, a blog focused on ethical issues.

Do you have ethical questions that you need to have answered? Send them to jeffreyseglin@gmail.com.

Follow him on Twitter @jseglin.

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