Sunday, June 07, 2020

What is the right kind of help?

Throughout the weeks of working remotely and wearing facemasks when venturing out to grocery shop or perform other essential tasks safely, there's been a particular concern about the well-being of people older than 65 who seem most vulnerable to the worst effects of coronavirus. Some family members or neighbors have gone out of their way to check in on elderly neighbors to ensure they are safe and to offer a distant helping hand if they were in need.

But like others, many older people in relatively good health have sought to get outside for daily exercise such as a walk, a bike ride, or some other form of exercise. In some cases, it might be something as simple as mowing the lawn. Older people may be more vulnerable to the virus, but many led active lives prior to being primarily housebound and they continue to try to find ways to remain active.

A reader wrote to tell me about a friend who takes short daily walks with an elderly neighbor who doesn't feel comfortable walking alone. They each mask up and walk at least 6 feet apart from one another. The reader's friend commented on how slow a walker her elderly neighbor is, but that she likes to walk with her anyway since it makes her feel good to help. Her friend's comment took the reader aback.

It's great that her friend helps a neighbor get outside to stay active while ensuring she practices social distancing while wearing a facemask, indicating that she's glad her friend gets outside to get some regular exercise as well. But "shouldn't she help for the sake of helping whether or not it makes her feel good?" the reader asks.

Reading her question brought back memories of discussions among friends about whether any action can be truly altruistic if you were somehow rewarded for the action. If you're rewarded in any way, does that diminish the selflessness of the action?

Make a charitable donation to a worthy not-for-profit organization that is helping to repair the world? Great, but is it truly altruistic if you get to deduct the donation from your taxes or to have your name publicized as a generous donor for the world to see?

That miles-long walk to raise awareness and funds? Does receiving a t-shirt and other merchandise in exchange for participation make it a bit less selfless?

Are all those public service hours committed during high school any less valuable if they end up listed on a college application?

Yes, it would be great if the reader's friend helped her neighbor regardless of how good it makes her feel. But the point is that she helps her. If it makes her feel good in the process, so what? The right thing is that she helps someone in need.

Regardless of the challenges facing each of us and the many acts of egregious, hateful, often violent, and sometimes deadly acts we witness, in small and larger more courageous acts of kindness, there is a glimmer of hope. If it makes you feel good to help someone, to support a cause, or to stand up for justice, have at it with all your might.

Jeffrey L. Seglin, author of The Simple Art of Business Etiquette: How to Rise to the Top by Playing Nice," is a senior lecturer in public policy and director of the communications program at Harvard's Kennedy School.

Follow him on Twitter: @jseglin

Do you have ethical questions that you need answered? Send them to rightthing@comcast.net.

(c) 2020 JEFFREY L. SEGLIN. Distributed by TRIBUNE CONTENT AGENCY, LLC.

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