As mask mandates get lifted, honor others’ choices

 Like many other workers in the United States who returned to a physical workplace after spending more than a year working remotely, I faced a variety of pandemic-related guidelines. The subway system I use to commute to work required that I and other passengers wear masks upon entering the subway stations and while riding the subway. The city where my job is located had mask protocols in place for large gatherings. My employer required me to wear a mask whenever I was not alone in my office on campus and to test weekly to make sure I hadn’t been infected with any of the COVID-19 variants.

 

While the subway maintains its mask mandate, my employer has shifted the policy. We are still required to test weekly, but the wearing of masks while we teach is now optional. In other words, it is now up to me to decide if I want to wear a mask while I am in the classroom. The same is true for my colleagues and for our students.

 

The key word for me in the new policy is “optional.” That does not mean I am obligated not to wear a mask. It also does not mean I should belittle anyone else at work for whatever choice they make about mask-wearing. I have the responsibility to make certain that students in my classroom do not feel pressured to remove their masks nor to feel uncomfortable wearing them if they choose to do so.

 

In early March, when students filed in behind Florida Gov. Ron DeSantis at a political event, he had an opportunity to make the difference between a mandate and a choice clear. But as the students filed in behind him, DeSantis said: “You do not have to wear those masks. Please take them off. Honestly, it’s not doing anything. We’ve got to stop with this COVID theater.” Most of the students began to remove their masks. When a sitting governor chides you to do so and your fellow students comply, there’s certainly a pressure to comply.

 

To be fair to DeSantis, he continued, “So if you want to wear it, fine.” But he quickly added, “But this is ridiculous.”

 

All the words DeSantis needed to make a clear statement about individual choice were among those he used. If he had simply said, “If you want to wear it, fine, but you do not have to wear those masks” and left it at that, it would have sent a far different message than the one he sent (though he still likely would have risked the wrath of the children’s parents who might have liked to have been consulted).

 

People in a position of power and leadership have a responsibility to use that power wisely and for the good of the people they lead. Belittling is neither sound policy nor leadership. Neither is it an effective way to teach.

 

As we begin to return to some sense of normalcy, the right thing is to show respect for others’ choices. I will work hard to make my students feel comfortable in their decisions about wearing a mask in the classroom. How I teach has nothing to do with whether they wear a mask. I may, however, still chide them about showing up late to class.

 

Jeffrey L. Seglin, author of The Simple Art of Business Etiquette: How to Rise to the Top by Playing Nice, is a senior lecturer in public policy and director of the communications program at Harvard's Kennedy School. He is also the administrator of www.jeffreyseglin.com, a blog focused on ethical issues.

Do you have ethical questions that you need to have answered? Send them to jeffreyseglin@gmail.com.

Follow him on Twitter @jseglin.

(c) 2022 JEFFREY L. SEGLIN. Distributed by TRIBUNE CONTENT AGENCY, LLC.

How obligated is daughter-in-law after her father-in-law’s death?

 Not long ago, a reader’s father-in-law died. The reader, whom we’re calling Lakshmi, and her late husband lived close to the father-in-law and cared for him for many years before he died. Lakshmi’s husband had a sister we’re calling Paula, who lived far away. While Paula was regularly consulted about Lakshmi’s father-in-law’s care and finances, Paula had deferred to her brother on most decisions.

 

After her father-in-law’s death, Lakshmi remembered her father-in-law had a joint checking account with her husband that still had just over $300 in it when he died. Lakshmi’s name was put on the checking account after her husband had died, so she had access to the funds.

 

“I asked my sister-in-law what I should do with the money and she told me to keep it to use in case there were any unexpected costs like shipping her some of her father’s belongings,” wrote Lakshmi. Lakshmi did use some of the money to send Paula some photo albums and other mementos.

 

Lakshmi also took care of most of the funeral arrangements for her father-in-law and organized the memorial service for him since she was local. Paula was not and would have to fly in for the service.

 

But Lakshmi discovered that several hundred more dollars showed up in her late father-in-law’s account recently, which was technically now her account since she was the only living survivor of the joint account holders. Apparently, a refund of one kind or another was directly deposited.

 

“It’s not a lot of money,” Lakshmi wrote. “But it is more than what the amount was when I first told Paula about the account.”

 

Lakshmi wants to know if she should bother telling Paula about these new funds or if she should just assume she should follow Paula’s directive to keep the money and use it for incidentals related to her father-in-law’s death.

 

Losing a parent as Paula had has to have been tough. Losing both a husband and a father-in-law as Lakshmi had while having to arrange for memorial services and sort out finances must have been tough and consuming. I’m hopeful Paula knowing that Lakshmi was nearby during her father’s final days was a comfort to her.

 

I am not an estate lawyer and do not know the specifics of Lakshmi’s father-in-law’s will or if he even had one. But even if Lakshmi suspects she knows what Paula’s response would be, the right thing is for Lakshmi to let Paula know about the money and ask her what she’d like to do with it.

 

Letting Paula know isn’t the right thing to do simply to avoid a potential confrontation if she were to find out later and wonder why she hadn’t been told. It’s the right thing to do because it was Paula’s father, and Lakshmi and her late husband before her had always involved Paula in such decisions. Honoring that arrangement also honors the memories of the loved ones they lost. May their memories continue to be a blessing.

 

Jeffrey L. Seglin, author of The Simple Art of Business Etiquette: How to Rise to the Top by Playing Nice, is a senior lecturer in public policy and director of the communications program at Harvard's Kennedy School. He is also the administrator of www.jeffreyseglin.com, a blog focused on ethical issues.

Do you have ethical questions that you need to have answered? Send them to jeffreyseglin@gmail.com.

Follow him on Twitter @jseglin.

(c) 2022 JEFFREY L. SEGLIN. Distributed by TRIBUNE CONTENT AGENCY, LLC.

Should I help Ukrainians when a nonprofit’s values don’t match my own?

A reader we’re calling Grace has written to ask if she’s being too judgmental in response to a friend’s mass email encouraging friends to donate to efforts to help the people of Ukraine as they face the Russian invasion.

 

“Is it wrong for me not to want to contribute to a nonprofit that by all reports does good work, but also has a history of vocally disapproving of same-sex marriage or adoptions?” wrote Grace.

 

Grace writes that she knows her friend does approve of same-sex marriages and adoptions. But she wonders why the friend is promoting an agency that is known to be against such things.

 

“I want to help,” wrote Grace. “But not through this agency.”

 

Grace wanted to know if in addition to not making a contribution whether she should let her friend know why.

 

Stephen Carter, in his book Integrity (Basic Books, 1996), lays out three steps that are essential to integrity. The first is discernment, the second is to act on what you discern, and the third is to state openly what you have done and why you have done it. Grace has achieved Carter’s first two steps. She has discerned why she doesn’t want to support this agency and she has acted on that discernment. The third act would indeed require that she say something to her friend.

 

In following up with Grace, I learned that she did say something to her friend. Grace was relieved that her friend did not seem to take offense or to sense Grace was passing judgment on her. Her friend explained she felt it was urgent to take some action to support the people of Ukraine and that nonprofit had a strong history of getting donated funds to intended recipients.

 

Grace did the right thing, but she was left truly wanting to help the people of Ukraine as well. She chose to donate $108 to the International Rescue Committee, whose reputation was strong for the work it was doing in Poland to help displaced families with supplies they needed.

 

But there are many ways to support Ukrainian families and any number of agencies that do so. Chef José Andrés’ World Central Kitchen, for example, is on the ground in Ukraine working with local restaurants to supply meals to Ukrainian families. And some have found ways to donate directly to Ukrainians by booking rooms through platforms like AirBnb that they never intend to occupy. “A small and nice way to help Ukraine,” wrote my friend Yael Bar tur on Twitter who had booked a room in Ukraine, “and I got a nice message from my host this morning.”

 

Grace was smart to do due diligence on a nonprofit to make sure her values aligned with its values. But she went further to do the right thing by not stopping there, but instead finding a way to help when the need for help is urgent.

 

When many are in need and many have a desire to help, the right thing is not to get stuck on the many reasons not to donate, but instead to find a way to help. Grace did that. So did Grace’s friend. And so can the rest of us if we are so inclined.

Jeffrey L. Seglin, author of The Simple Art of Business Etiquette: How to Rise to the Top by Playing Nice, is a senior lecturer in public policy and director of the communications program at Harvard's Kennedy School. He is also the administrator of www.jeffreyseglin.com, a blog focused on ethical issues.

Do you have ethical questions that you need to have answered? Send them to jeffreyseglin@gmail.com.

Follow him on Twitter @jseglin.

(c) 2022 JEFFREY L. SEGLIN. Distributed by TRIBUNE CONTENT AGENCY, LLC.