How much should we read into emails we receive?

Is it disrespectful to dismiss someone else’s political views?

A reader we’re calling Edwin has more conservative political views than his older sister. They voted differently in the 2024 presidential election and they view the efforts of the current administration differently as well.

Nevertheless, they maintain a good relationship and are capable of exchanging opposite views without it resulting in an all-out battle. Edwin has long found it possible for each of them to be respectful of one another and their respective views while still holding true to their strong beliefs.

Recently, however, Edwin received an email from his sister that he found “very disappointing.”

In an email to his sister, Edwin had encouraged her to watch a Fox News interview with Elon Musk and members of his Department of Government Efficiency team. He mentioned to her that he found the group to be earnest in their stated objectives and hoped that his sister might give them the benefit of the doubt or at least not assume the worst about them.

His sister responded by telling Edwin she had seen the interview and ended her email with “Sick!” Given Edwin’s and his sister’s ages, it’s unlikely she was using “sick” as a slang some younger readers might use to connote something positive.

Edwin found that response to be dismissive of his efforts to help his sister see that reasonable people can disagree, but that everyone would do well to try to see what “makes the opposition tick.”

Did Edwin’s sister step over the line with her response to his email? Should he take her response as being dismissive of him and his efforts to enlighten her?

Clearly, if Edwin was taken aback by his sister’s response, he has every right to be, particularly if it wasn’t in keeping with the typical way they respond to one another.

But email can be a funny thing and intentions are not always as clear in email messages as they might be in a conversation in-person, by phone or via a video conference. What Edwin took as dismissive of him might have been more of a reaction to Elon Musk and the DOGE team or of the many efforts they have undertaken since being deployed to find ways to cut government spending.

For all Edwin knows, his sister may have found his attempt to portray Musk and team as earnest in their efforts as disrespectful of what he knew to be her views.

Again, Edwin has every right to be taken aback by his sister’s response. But particularly if Edwin wants to continue their relationship, which he indicates he does, the right thing would be for him to tell her he was taken aback by it and why. Doing so would give both the chance to flesh out how each of them responded to the interview they saw.

Very likely, they would not agree on the earnestness of the DOGE team or the value of its efforts, but they would have a chance to understand more of how one another ticks when it comes to such things. And that, after all, is something Edwin embraces as something we should all try to do.

Jeffrey L. Seglin, author of The Simple Art of Business Etiquette: How to Rise to the Top by Playing Nice, is a senior lecturer in public policy and director of the communications program at Harvard's Kennedy School. He is also the administrator of www.jeffreyseglin.com, a blog focused on ethical issues.

Do you have ethical questions that you need to have answered? Send them to jeffreyseglin@gmail.com.

Follow him on Twitter @jseglin.

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