The Right Thing: July 2026

Sunday, July 19, 2026

Should riders keep their home address private?

Is it wrong to give an Uber, Lyft or taxi driver an address other than a home address for a drop-off if the rider is concerned about safety?

A reader we're calling Ellie asked that question, wondering whether exercising extreme caution is unfair if a driver has done nothing to warrant suspicion. She doesn't want to insult a driver who is doing his job, but she believes it’s safer to not let a stranger know where she lives. Ellie wonders if asking a driver to drop her off a short distance from her house is reasonable or is she wrong to pass judgments about a driver she doesn’t know.

Ellie’s concern about safety seems reasonable. But she also doesn’t want to be someone who makes assumptions about people based on little evidence. Is it possible for her to exercise caution while not unfairly judging someone’s intentions?

Being careful about safety suggests that Ellie is concerned about taking wise precautions rather than casting aspersions on her driver. When we lock the door to our house, we are not accusing our neighbors of being likely to break in. When companies insist we use two-factor authentication to log on to websites, it’s likely meant as a precaution rather than a suggestion that we can’t trust anyone on the internet. That Ellie doesn’t want to reveal her home address seems to fall more into the category of taking a precaution rather than making an indictment about the character of a driver she’s yet to meet.

If it gives Ellie any solace, ride-share drivers often take similar precautions before they pick up a fare they’ve never met. The ride-share app verifies the rider’s identity and some drivers use dashboard cameras to maintain a record should anything go awry. Those precautions don’t suggest anything untoward about a rider, but instead seem like reasonable efforts to reduce the likelihood that anything could go wrong in a job that involves driving strangers.

How Ellie asks her driver to drop her off is important. If she simply puts in a neutral destination or asks a driver to drop her off nearby, that’s a benign and reasonable request. If she says she’s doing so because she doesn’t trust the driver when the driver has done nothing to warrant suspicion, that seems accusatory and is likely to offend.

If it gives her comfort, Ellie might think of it this way: When we wear seatbelts we do so as a precaution rather than believing an accident will occur. Similarly, her precaution about where to ask to be dropped off doesn’t assume something bad will happen. It simply is a precautionary step just in case.

The right thing for Ellie and other riders is to treat drivers with respect, and not assume the worst of them. She has no obligation to disclose the location of her home if doing so would cause discomfort. It’s possible to take reasonable precautions while still treating everyone involved with respect.

Jeffrey L. Seglin, author of The Simple Art of Business Etiquette: How to Rise to the Top by Playing Nice, is a senior lecturer in public policy and director of the communications program at Harvard's Kennedy School. He is also the administrator of www.jeffreyseglin.com, a blog focused on ethical issues.

Do you have ethical questions that you need to have answered? Send them to jeffreyseglin@gmail.com.

Follow him on Twitter @jseglin.

Sunday, July 12, 2026

Why I buy books when I travel

Do we owe anything to the places we visit?

Last month, I spent some time in Savannah, Georgia, with family. Like many travelers, the woman I’d eat bees for and I often return home with a souvenir. But our souvenirs typically end up on our bookshelves.

For many years, we have tried to buy at least one book from a local independent bookstore whenever we travel. In Savannah, I walked a couple of miles to The Stacks Bookstore to buy a copy of Daniel Kraus’ novel, "Angel Down." The evening before, my wife purchased Alan Hollinghurst’s "Our Evenings" from E. Shaver Booksellers during a stroll.

We also try to support independent bookstores closer to home, whether it’s purchasing a copy of Beppe Fenoglio’s "A Private Affair" from I Am Books in Boston’s North End, Brian Goldstone’s "There Is No Place for Us: Working and Homelessness in America" from Eight Cousins in Falmouth, Massachusetts, or José Andrés’ cookbook "Zaytinya" from Just Book-ish in Dorchester, Massachusetts.

We buy books we likely would have purchased or borrowed from the library anyway. But buying them from local bookstores reminds us of the places we’ve been and the people who continue to try to help those places thrive. When I pick up my copy of Ned Blackhawk’s "The Rediscovery of America: Native Peoples and the Unmaking of U.S. History," I’m reminded of the patient booksellers at Maria’s Bookshop in Durango, Colorado, which is just steps from the Durango Diner which serves up some of the best green chile sauce.

While we support independent bookstores, other travelers might make a habit of engaging with locally owned restaurants, neighborhood coffee shops or small retailers as a way of supporting the local economies they visit. But do all travelers have an obligation to support the communities they visit, even if the visit is fleeting?

Few of us have unlimited budgets to support every local business. Neither do we have a moral obligation to buy books while traveling. There are several good reasons to order books online or to borrow them from libraries or friends. I’m not arguing that everyone should follow my lead and buy a book from an independent bookstore when they travel. Nevertheless, I like the idea of doing so.

When we spend money while traveling, we make choices about the kinds of places we value. Every purchase sends a small signal and ideally will help determine if local businesses will survive or disappear.

We know that a single book bought is unlikely to keep any bookstore alive. But making those purchases reflects our belief in the importance of reading and community. These are small gestures, but they acknowledge that independent bookstores can occupy a special place in any community by employing local residents, hosting author events and serving as places for residents to gather. We like to think that our purchases acknowledge that the places we visit are communities with institutions like bookstores that enrich local life.

These purchases feel like a modest way of saying “thank you.” Others may find different ways to do this. For us, choosing to support local independent bookstores whenever possible feels like the right thing to do.

If you send me the name of your nearby independent bookstore, I’ll try to pay them a visit if I should find myself in their neck of the woods.

Sunday, July 05, 2026

When birthday celebrations come with unexpected costs

Is it wrong for someone to regularly invite a friend to do things for the friend’s birthday such as have a meal or go to a spa weekend that always end up costing the friend money?

A reader we're calling Cybil wrote to pose such a question. She wondered if she should be upset that her friend suggests she wants to celebrate her birthday but often in a way that ends up costing her money.

It’s not wrong for the friend to propose activities that might involve shared expenses. While sometimes the person celebrating a birthday’s costs are covered by others involved, it’s not unusual for people to celebrate birthdays with dinners, trips, concerts, spa visits or other outings where everyone ends up paying their own way. What should be made clear from the outset, however, is what the expectations are for any costs involved.

If, for example, Cybil’s friend regularly suggests something that will be her treat for Cybil’s birthday, but Cybil ends up paying a significant amount, then Cybil might feel misled or pressured into spending money she wouldn’t have chosen to spend on her own. A spa weekend would be far more enjoyable if Cybil understood from the outset that costs would be shared. If the friend never makes that clear, then Cybil could end up feeling chagrined that she regularly ends up spending money on an activity she neither chose nor expected to pay for.

If Cybil’s friend called and said: “I'd love to celebrate your birthday with a spa weekend. Here's what it would cost, and please don't feel obligated if it's not in your budget,” that would be a straightforward invitation. Even if the friend didn’t intend to, if she presented the invitation as a special birthday experience and only later revealed significant costs, it could leave Cybil feeling manipulated.

Cybil’s friend may really believe these birthday outings are thoughtful since she is organizing them and making time to spend with Cybil. But if these celebrations stress Cybil out or leave her feeling like she’s spending more than she can afford, then clearly these are not the kinds of events that spark joy.

If, as Cybil suggests, these cost-producing celebrations are an annual occurrence, she could find time well ahead of her next birthday to try to change things up. She could tell her friend she appreciates her desire to celebrate her birthday with her, but she’s not comfortable spending a lot of money doing so. She could propose something simpler and less costly that would prove as meaningful to her. If Cybil’s friend is a true friend, she will listen to Cybil’s concern and embrace the chance to plan something less expensive or with no expense to Cybil.

The right thing, if she is not happy with the status quo, is for Cybil to say something. She should tell her friend what she’s comfortable with. If she says nothing, she ends up with another year of frustration rather than celebrating another year of life. A good friend will listen to Cybil and happily oblige.