Do I tip an instructor even if he'd rather I'd buy his art?

A couple of readers we're calling Newt and Dot recently took advantage of a Groupon coupon they received for a discounted glass blowing lesson. In the class, which was three hours long, an instructor patiently taught them how to create class items ranging from a paperweight to a small bowl. Each item was infused with colors of each student's choosing and they were walked through the process right up until the final firing of the items they created.

The three-hour class for two typically cost $340, but with the Groupon certificate, Newt and Dot split the $193 fee for the class.

"It was a great class," writes Dot. "After the class, I asked the guy if I could tip him."

Given how much time the instructor had spent with them and how much they had learned, Dot's was a reasonable question, but she was surprised by his answer.

"He said 'yes,' but that he'd rather we bought a piece of his glass."

Dot and Newt took a look at the shelf of his glass pieces, which were for sale.

"It was nice enough," she writes, "but I thought it was overpriced for something we really didn't plan to buy. We didn't want to purchase any." One goblet, Dot reports, was $40.

But then she writes that they found themselves stuck with the decision of what to do.

"Are we obligated to buy something since we asked? And if we don't, tip or no tip? And how much to tip him if we do tip him?"

Neither Dot nor Newt were obligated to tip their instructor after their class. That they asked if they could was a thoughtful gesture.

Once they considered his glass pieces for sale and decided they were too expensive, they were not obligated to purchase an item even if it was the instructor's preference over a tip.

If they thought a tip was warranted for the instructor (and clearly Dot did because she asked him if she could tip him), then the right thing is to tip him. They should feel no embarrassment over tipping him rather than purchasing an item. He may have preferred to sell his pieces, but offering a gratuity instead is no insult.

In fact, it might have been a bit more insulting to have asked if it was OK to tip him and then leaving without doing so. It could have sent the unintended message that Dot and Newt simply wanted to know if they could tip him so they could decide not to do so.

I'm no expert in tipping, although I tend to be on the generous side when it comes to tipping service providers, particularly those like restaurant servers who typically work for a lower minimum wage than other workers.

But a 10 percent tip on the cost of the class seems fair enough and it certainly wouldn't have been insulting to offer $20 from the two of them for the $193 course.

"We plan to go again and take another course," writes Dot. That in itself seems the right thing to do for good services rendered. 

Jeffrey L. Seglin, author of The Simple Art of Business Etiquette: How to Rise to the Top by Playing Nice, is a senior lecturer in public policy and director of the communications program at Harvard's Kennedy School. He is also the administrator of www.jeffreyseglin.com, a blog focused on ethical issues. 

Do you have ethical questions that you need answered? Send them to rightthing@comcast.net. 

Follow him on Twitter: @jseglin 

(c) 2019 JEFFREY L. SEGLIN. DISTRIBUTED BY TRIBUNE CONTENT AGENCY, LLC.

Should I cancel an uncashed check to my newspaper deliverer?

Late every November, a reader we're calling Anne receives a self-addressed envelope with a note from the person who delivers the daily morning newspaper to her doorstep. On weekdays, the paper typically arrives before 6 a.m. and on weekends before 7 a.m., even in the foulest of weather.

"My deliverer gets up early and works hard to get the newspapers delivered," writes Anne. Several decades ago, a teenager in the neighborhood delivered the newspaper and Anne knew him by name as well as his family. He would even collect delivery fees from his newspaper route subscribers in person, once a month. But the days of kids delivering newspapers in Anne's neighborhood have long passed.

Now, while Anne occasionally has caught a glimpse of her deliverer driving off in the early morning, she wouldn't recognize her. She only knows the deliverer is a woman because of the name on the annual envelope provided.

In the old days, Anne would include a monthly tip for her newspaper deliverer when he came to collect. But now she waits for the annual envelope to arrive in December before tipping the deliverer.

"In the past, I've put cash in the envelope and sent it back to her," writes Anne. But this year she decided to write a check for $50 and return it.

"It's been more than a month and she still hasn't cashed the check," writes Anne. She's torn about whether to cancel the check, but she wonders if she was wrong to write it in the first place.

"I'm pretty sure the deliverer doesn't make a lot of money," writes Anne. "Was it wrong for me to assume she had a checking account?"

Anne asks if she should cancel the check and wants to know if she made an egregious faux pas by writing a check instead of including cash.

As for writing a check rather than giving cash, Anne did nothing wrong. If the deliverer couldn't accept checks, she should have indicated so in the note she left with the envelope. Given the choice, it's understandable that Anne chose to write a check rather than send cash since a canceled check would indicate that the deliverer safely received the tip.

It might be annoying to wait for the check to be cashed, but a month doesn't seem to be a significant enough period of time to be overly concerned. Anne can cancel it if she wants to, but if she doesn't let the deliverer know she's doing so that might result in the deliverer running into a hassle if she ultimately decides to cash the check. If Anne does decide to cancel the check, the thoughtful thing would be to let the deliverer know she's done so. That, of course, would require a bit more work for Anne. She'd have to track down the deliverer's name and address. While those were on the envelope, Anne doesn't have them on file anywhere.

While I would lean toward simply waiting, the second option of canceling the check and letting the deliverer know is equally good. Next year, however, if Anne wants to avoid the worry, the right thing is to tip with cash. 

Jeffrey L. Seglin, author of The Simple Art of Business Etiquette: How to Rise to the Top by Playing Nice, is a senior lecturer in public policy and director of the communications program at Harvard's Kennedy School. He is also the administrator of www.jeffreyseglin.com, a blog focused on ethical issues. 

Do you have ethical questions that you need answered? Send them to rightthing@comcast.net. 

Follow him on Twitter: @jseglin 

(c) 2019 JEFFREY L. SEGLIN. DISTRIBUTED BY TRIBUNE CONTENT AGENCY, LLC.