On Christmas Eve, a reader (let's call him
"Steve") received a call from an old friend (let's call her
"Eve") who happened to be in town. Eve wanted to know if it would be
OK for her to stop by Steve's house to pay a visit and to drop off a Christmas
gift.
Eve and Steve hadn't seen one another nor had they been
in the habit of exchanging gifts for years, so Steve had not purchased a gift
for her. Still, he thought it would be rude not to give her a gift in return.
Earlier in the week, Steve had received a new book in an office gift swap. Even
though the gift was meant for him and he had not purchased it with Eve in mind,
he thought she might find the book interesting and wondered whether it would be
wrong to rewrap the gift and give it to Eve when she arrived.
Etiquette experts used to classify regifting as
inappropriate. But many have changed their tune and now hold that as long as no
one's feelings are likely to get hurt and the gift is something the new
recipient might actually like that it's OK. An episode of the sitcom, Seinfeld,
points out that it rarely ends well if the recipient discovers a gift has been
regifted and it's even worse if the original giver of the gift to the regifter
discovers her gift is being passed on to someone else. It also doesn't sit well
if the regifter forgets to take any tags or personal notes that might be tucked
away with the gift before giving it to someone else.
In its annual "Spending and Saving Tracker" survey published in December, American Express found that 76 percent of
Americans say that it is "socially acceptable" to regift and that 57
percent claim they are likely to regift an item this holiday season. (In case,
you're wondering if you're the likely recipient of a regifted item, the top
three items respondents said they were likely to re-gift were kitchenware (22
percent), sweaters (17 percent), and scarves (15 percent).
Books did not make the top 10 list of items people told
American Express they were likely to regift, but more personal items such as
pajamas (12 percent) did.
Just because a majority of people say it's acceptable to
do something, does that make it right? Would Steve be crossing any ethical
lines in re-gifting a book he had received from a friend at work to Eve?
Steve should decide if a gift is needed at all. After
all, Eve's visit was unplanned and she should understand if he hadn't had time
to run out and find. She might even find it a bit odd that Steve happens to
have had a gift for her on hand, even though they hadn't been in touch in
years.
But there's nothing wrong with Steve regifting the book.
It is his to do with as he pleases and as long as he believes it's something
Eve might enjoy he's in the clear. The right thing is to accept Eve's gift
graciously and for her to do the same with Steve's gift to her.
Ultimately, the two of them should spend the time
together catching up rather than worrying about the origin of any gift they
should happen to receive.
Jeffrey L. Seglin, author of The Simple Art of Business Etiquette: How to Rise to the Top by Playing Nice, is a lecturer in public policy and director of the communications program atHarvard's KennedySchool. He is also the administrator of www.jeffreyseglin.com, a blog focused on ethical issues.
Do you have ethical questions that you need answered? Send them to rightthing@comcast.net.
Follow him on Twitter: @jseglin
(c) 2015 JEFFREY L. SEGLIN. DISTRIBUTED BY TRIBUNE CONTENT AGENCY, LLC.
1 comment:
Obviously Steve had to do what he thought appropriate on Christmas Eve, so his personal question is settled.
But what to do with a gift you cannot use or do not want? Three possibilities: Donate the gift to a charity such as Goodwill or Salvation Army for fundraising. Re-gift it, using care to ensure you do not give it to the giver or someone s/he sees on a regular basis; don't want to hurt the giver's feelings. Let it sit in your closet, unused, until you finally throw it out.
Donate or re-gift. Easy answers.
Post a Comment