It happened a bit earlier this year than planned.
Typically, after the spring semester of college ends, thousands of students
return home to spend the summer living in their parents' homes. For many, it's
the home they grew up in. Often when they walk through their bedroom doors,
while the space may have been converted for slightly different uses in their
absence, it's as if time stood still.
This year, however, the mass migration home took an
unexpected turn. Rather than the end of May, carloads of college students and
their belongings headed home in mid-March. Concerned over the spread of
coronavirus, college campuses shuttered and a majority of students were sent
home to complete their courses online.
When there's a re-entry into a parents' home after a
college student has been away, there's often a clash between how the student
was able to behave on campus and the house rules still in place. A child may
have gained some independence while off at school, but the phrase, "our
house, our rules" seems on constant rotation.
Typically, re-acclimating involves such banal tasks as
picking up dirty clothes, not staying out past a particular hour, or not
leaving dirty dishes or half-eaten sandwiches around the house. It can take a
few days to sort things out and reach a clear understanding. A parent needs to
assert that while they appreciate their child's independence and that their
child is an adult, they still expect them to respect the house rules.
But this year adds a twist. Many communities have
instituted advisories or directives about wearing face masks in public or while
shopping as well as making sure to be at least six feet away from other
individuals.
In the communities where the advisories are not binding
and it's left up to the individual to comply, there can be a rift between
people choosing not to wear face masks when running on a somewhat crowded path
and those strictly adhering to the advisory. When such a difference of opinion
occurs between a parent and a college student home while school is shut down,
the student might remind the parent that he still follows the rules at home
even if he chooses not to wear a mask in public.
"I'm not in the house when I do this," the
student might say.
It's fair for the college student to choose how to behave
in public as long as he is not breaking the law or putting someone else's life
in danger. (The latter of these seems to depend on how close he gets to others
if not wearing a mask.) But if the student risks exposing himself to the virus
because of his behavior outside of the house, then he risks exposing his
parents and other family members as well. If his parents are uncomfortable with
this, their rules apply and the right thing is for their college student to
comply with house rules and wear a mask in public even though technically he
isn't inside their house when following the rule.
Life is short. There are plenty of things to argue over
with parents. If this one is important to them, let it go.
Jeffrey L. Seglin, author of The Simple Art of Business Etiquette: How to Rise to the Top by Playing Nice," is a senior lecturer in public policy and director of the communications program at Harvard's Kennedy School.
Follow him on Twitter: @jseglin
Do you have ethical questions that you need answered? Send them to rightthing@comcast.net.
(c) 2020 JEFFREY L. SEGLIN. Distributed by TRIBUNE CONTENT AGENCY, LLC.
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