A reader wonders how "big of a stink" she
should make about something going on in the assisted living facility where her
mother lives.
The director of the facility told her there is a
"very strict policy" against residents giving gifts of any sort to
employees. "If offered," she says the director told her, "the
employees will refuse the gift." The problem is that the policy is not
being enforced.
While her mother has thrived at the facility compared to
how she was doing in her own home, her daughter says her mother likes to give
"little gifts" to her aides, such as fruit, soda, candy, and trinkets
she buys at the local dollar store. Occasionally, the gifts are more expensive
and include earrings or bracelets she buys from visiting vendors. "She
also buys many, many baby gifts when one of the employees has a new baby, which
seems is often," she says.
While her daughter thinks such gift giving is harmless
and it makes her mother happy, "not once has an employee refused a gift
even though supposedly it is against policy."
What concerns her daughter the most, however, is that her
mother recently has started giving away some personal items that she had when
she lived in her own home. Her daughter is worried that her mother's decision
to give away personal items could be a warning sign that her judgment is
fading, and that employees are taking advantage. When she asks her mother about
the items, she tells her daughter that "she alone has the right to give
whatever she wants to whoever she wants."
In the past when she has confronted the director of the
facility about these gifts, he's been dismissive, saying that her mother
"probably lost whatever it was that she gave away, since workers seem to
deny receiving gifts."
Now, she believes she needs to bring the issue up with
the director again. If he does not adequately address the breach of policy, she
asks if she should contact an ombudsman for the company that owns the facility.
"My mom loves living there, and would not want to
move," she writes. "Maybe my mom is truly competent and should be
allowed to make gift giving decisions for herself. Maybe I should do nothing.
What, if anything, is the right thing for me to do?"
My reader's mother is correct in stating that, as long as
she is competent, she should be allowed to make her own gift-giving decisions.
But it's wrong for the employees to be accepting gifts if there is indeed a
strict policy against them receiving gifts of any sort from residents. For this
rule to be effective, it must be enforced by the director and observed by all
employees. If the director dismisses complaints about gifts that were accepted,
then he is sending a message to employees that violating the rule has no
consequences.
The right thing is for the daughter to meet with the
director again. If he brushes off the daughter's concerns, she should let him
know that she plans to report the issue to the company's ombudsman.
The rule should be enforced. Even if residents desire to
give gifts to employees now, enforcing the policy helps ensure that residents
are not taken advantage of later.
Jeffrey L. Seglin, author of The Simple Art of Business Etiquette: How to Rise to the Top by Playing Nice, is a lecturer in public policy and director of the communications program at Harvard's Kennedy School. He is also the administrator of www.jeffreyseglin.com, a blog focused on ethical issues.
Do you have ethical questions that you need answered? Send them to rightthing@comcast.net.
Follow him on Twitter: @jseglin
(c) 2015 JEFFREY L. SEGLIN. DISTRIBUTED BY TRIBUNE CONTENT AGENCY, LLC.
