If I support my friends' charities, shouldn't they support mine?

Does regularly donating to someone's charitable efforts entitle the donor to expect anything in return?

For several years, K.T., a reader in New England, was one of many who received emails from C.V., a former colleague, asking him to sponsor his walk for charity. K.T. did not know anyone suffering from the disease for which the walk was designed to raise funds, but K.T. regularly gave to charities and liked the idea of helping out a former colleague with his efforts.

It became fairly routine each summer to expect the group email from C.V. asking for another pledge, and K.T. obliged.

Earlier this year, one of K.T.'s children decided to take part in a similar fundraising effort, although for a different cause. Rather than send out emails to everyone in his address book, K.T. decided to specifically email those friends whose charitable efforts he'd supported in the past. He also posted a link to his child's fundraising page on his own Facebook page so his Facebook friends could donate if they wanted to.

Many of K.T.'s friends pledged funds to help his child meet his goal. One notable exception was C.V. He didn't respond to or acknowledge K.T.'s email, nor did he like or comment on K.T.'s Facebook post. Even without his support, however, K.T.'s child was able to meet his fundraising goal. Several months passed and K.T. thought little of C.V.'s lack of response.

Then, a few weeks ago, as summer got into full swing, K.T. received the annual email from C.V., asking him once again to pledge funds for his charitable walk. It was pretty much the same group email he'd been receiving for years to which he had responded by donating some money on C.V.'s fundraising page on the charity's website and getting an automatically generated thank you in response.

This time around, however, K.T. is not so sure he wants to donate to C.V.

"After all the years I supported him and his cause, shouldn't he at least have acknowledged the email about my child's fundraiser?" K.T asked. "Wouldn't it be appropriate for him to make a donation after I supported his cause all these years?"

K.T. also asked if it was wrong for him to decide to no longer give to C.V.'s charity simply because C.V. didn't give to his child's charity.

While it would be nice for C.V. to have reciprocated and made a donation to K.T.'s child's charitable efforts, he is under no obligation to do so. Just because K.T. supported his colleague's charity does not mean he should expect anything in return -- other than supporting that charity.

There's also nothing wrong with K.T. choosing not to support C.V.'s charitable efforts any longer, regardless of the reason. If he still believes in the cause -- although it's not clear it was ever a cause close to his heart -- then he should consider giving. But he's not obligated to do so.

While it would be nice to help out friends who have supported you and your causes in the past, it's not required. The right thing with any donation to a charitable cause is to give to support the cause without expecting anything in return. 

Jeffrey L. Seglin, author of The Simple Art of Business Etiquette: How to Rise to the Top by Playing Nice, is a lecturer in public policy and director of the communications program at Harvard's Kennedy School. He is also the administrator of www.jeffreyseglin.com, a blog focused on ethical issues. 

Do you have ethical questions that you need answered? Send them to rightthing@comcast.net. 

Follow him on Twitter: @jseglin 

(c) 2015 JEFFREY L. SEGLIN. DISTRIBUTED BY TRIBUNE CONTENT AGENCY, LLC.

Do my bosses need to know how I spend my time off?

How much do we owe it to our bosses to let them know where we are all the time?

For months, J.L., a reader from California, had been planning to take two weeks off from work to travel with his daughter, a high school junior, to the East Coast to tour college campuses. Both he and his daughter had worked out the logistics, including flights, car rentals, staying at the homes of relatives, and scheduling the tours.

But two weeks before they were slated to travel, J.L.'s daughter was elected to serve as an officer for a national service organization to which she belonged. As part of the duties, she was expected to attend a week-long retreat in the Midwest with the rest of the officers, all expenses to be paid by the service organization. The dates for the retreat conflicted with the long-scheduled college tour schedule.

After agonizing over what to do, J.L.'s daughter decided it was important to meet her obligation to the service organization. So she asked J.L. if it would be OK to postpone the college tours. He agreed to the change and managed to cancel the flights and rental car and to alert all the family and friends that they wouldn't be visiting as originally scheduled.

Although his daughter was going to be away, J.L.'s son thought it would be fun to get his father to some of his favorite hangout spots during the week.

Typically, when J.L. is in town but not at work, he lets his bosses know so they can reach him if they have any questions about the projects in which he is working. Occasionally, this has resulted in J.L. going into work even when he was supposed to have a day off to help get a project completed. But this time he chose not to alert his bosses.

"I'm not telling the folks at work that I'm around, letting them think I'm back East," he writes. "Is this devious, wrong, showing a lack of character? You're the ethicist. Help me out here."

There is nothing devious or wrong about J.L.'s decision not to alert his bosses about his change in plans. He's taking time off. Where that time is taken should not be a concern to J.L.'s bosses. If J.L. told his bosses that they'd be able to reach him by cell when he's away, then nothing's changed on that front. Taking time off of work does not show a lack of character.

J.L. should not, however, lie about where he is. If he gets a call, he doesn't need to volunteer his location coordinates, but he shouldn't lie about them if directly asked. The right thing is for him to take the time off coming to him, be honest when asked, and to continue to do good work when he gets back to it. The right thing for his bosses would be to let J.L. take the time off that's coming to him without bugging him while he's away. What J.L. does on his time off should be up to J.L. 

Jeffrey L. Seglin, author of The Simple Art of Business Etiquette: How to Rise to the Top by Playing Nice, is a lecturer in public policy and director of the communications program at Harvard's Kennedy School. He is also the administrator of www.jeffreyseglin.com, a blog focused on ethical issues. 

Do you have ethical questions that you need answered? Send them to rightthing@comcast.net. 

Follow him on Twitter: @jseglin 

(c) 2015 JEFFREY L. SEGLIN. DISTRIBUTED BY TRIBUNE CONTENT AGENCY, LLC.

Should I lie to colleagues about applying for a job?

About 10 years ago, after working full-time for many years, A.L. decided she wanted to start working part-time so she would have more time to pursue other interests. Soon after making the decision, she was offered a part-time position. The pay was good, the hours were based on her availability, and the office was less than a mile from where she lived.

Over the years, the number of hours A.L. put into the job continued to grow as demand for her services grew. Ultimately, she was putting in just shy of a 30-hour work week and had built strong working relationships with her colleagues who held full-time positions.

A few weeks ago, one of A.L.'s colleague's retired, and an opening for a full-time spot opened up.

A.L. checked the job description for the new position and confirmed that the firm was looking for someone whose skills matched her own. A.L. had been considering trying to cut back on her hours, but she began to think that since the distance between the part-time hours she was already putting in and a full-time job had shrunk significantly over the past decade, it might be wise to consider applying.

After mulling it over, A.L. submitted a cover letter and her resume to the human resources department.

Now, she says, she finds herself facing another decision.

"I feel bad when colleagues ask me if I applied for the job," she says.

"I can't lie and say 'no' when they ask me directly," she says, "but I'm concerned that people will resent our manager if he gives the job to someone else." She fears they will both be disappointed that A.L. wasn't offered the position and the amount of time it will take to break in a new colleague. She also worries that her colleagues will think she's a bad sport if she decides to cut back her hours if she is not offered the full-time position.

"I know they want me to be offered and to take the job," she says.

A.L. asks if she should tell the truth if colleagues ask her about the job.

If colleagues discuss the job in general with her, A.L. has no ethical obligation to tell whether she has applied for the position. The same goes if they tell her how good it would be for her to get the full-time position. In the latter case, a simple "thanks for the vote of confidence" would suffice.

But if A.L. does apply and her colleagues directly ask her if she has applied for the position, the right thing is not to lie. Sure, it may be none of their business what A.L. decides to do, but A.L. should not lie. She should tell the truth not only because her lie might be exposed if it turns out she is offered and takes the position, but because her integrity is on the line. It's difficult to justify lying to a group of colleagues with whom she has built trust over the past decade.

A.L. can change the subject if she wants to. She can respond by telling colleagues that she'd rather not say. Or she can tell the truth. But the right thing is not to lie about her decision. 

Jeffrey L. Seglin, author of The Simple Art of Business Etiquette: How to Rise to the Top by Playing Nice, is a lecturer in public policy and director of the communications program at Harvard's Kennedy School. He is also the administrator of www.jeffreyseglin.com, a blog focused on ethical issues. 

Do you have ethical questions that you need answered? Send them to rightthing@comcast.net. 

Follow him on Twitter: @jseglin 

(c) 2015 JEFFREY L. SEGLIN. DISTRIBUTED BY TRIBUNE CONTENT AGENCY, LLC.